Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, September 8, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN HANGS FROM TRAFFIC LIGHT AND USES CARS AS A PUBLIC TOILET DURING RUSH HOURTAMPA, FLORIDA — Brittany “Britt” Calhoun, 29, was arrested Thursday after witnesses say she climbed a traffic pole at a
WOMAN HANGS FROM TRAFFIC LIGHT AND USES CARS AS A PUBLIC TOILET DURING RUSH HOURTAMPA, FLORIDA — Brittany “Britt” Calhoun, 29, was arrested Thursday after witnesses say she climbed a traffic pole at a packed intersection, dangled over live lanes, and proceeded to relieve herself onto moving vehicles like she was watering the lawn.Drivers say the smell hit before the visual did.Witnesses reported she scaled the pole in flip-flops and a tank top like it was a jungle gym Multiple drivers said she timed her drops with the red light so cars were sitting ducks One motorist claimed she made eye contact, shrugged, and kept going Police say she told officers she was “making a statement about traffic” and “the cars started it” A nearby business owner said she waved at him mid-act like she was on a parade float She allegedly asked responding officers if they could “just let her finish” because she “already started” A crowd of stuck drivers honked, filmed, and then erupted when she was finally pulled down and cuffed.“In twelve years on this beat I’ve seen people fight in the street, I’ve seen people sleep in the median, I’ve never seen someone treat a Honda Civic like a porta-potty from fifteen feet up,” said Tampa Police Sgt. Marcus Hale.The traffic light was taken offline for cleaning. Several cars required professional detailing. She did not beat the light.She hung around for the show. The cars paid the cover charge.Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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