Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, September 9, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
HUSBAND WHO ROBBED A BANK HOPING TO BE THROWN IN JAIL TO ESCAPE HIS WIFE WAS SENTENCED TO HOUSE ARREST
HUSBAND WHO ROBBED A BANK HOPING TO BE THROWN IN JAIL TO ESCAPE HIS WIFE WAS SENTENCED TO HOUSE ARREST OCALA, FL — Gerald Pruitt, 63, was sentenced to house arrest after pleading guilty to robbery, following a scheme deputies say was designed specifically to get him locked up and away from his wife of 34 years. Deputies say Pruitt walked into the bank, handed over a handwritten note, and waited calmly by the exit for officers to arrive. He reportedly told the teller, "take your time, I'm in no rush to leave this building" The note allegedly read "this is a robbery, please call the police immediately" He walked away with exactly $0, having refused the teller's offer of cash entirely Deputies say he sat on a bench outside and waved when patrol cars pulled up He allegedly told the judge, "prison sounded quieter than my living room" The sentence of house arrest reportedly devastated him more than the original charge He asked the court if the ankle monitor could at least be "worn in another house" His wife, reached for comment by a neighbor, reportedly said she had "no idea what he's talking about" and was looking forward to having him home full time. Deputy Sergeant Owen Blackwell, 20 years on the force, said, "We've had people rob banks for money before. First time someone robbed one to get away from marriage." The handwritten note, entered into evidence, declined to comment. Some men run from the law. Gerald ran straight into a house arrest sentence with his wife. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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