Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, September 9, 2026 — a satirical eyewitness report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
90-YEAR-OLD MAN ARRESTED FOR DRIVING HIS GOLF CART THE WRONG WAY DOWN A HIGHWAY
90-YEAR-OLD MAN ARRESTED FOR DRIVING HIS GOLF CART THE WRONG WAY DOWN A HIGHWAY DAYTON, OH — Raymond Hall, 90, was arrested and charged with reckless driving after troopers say he drove his personal golf cart the wrong way down a busy four-lane highway near Exit 16, forcing oncoming traffic to swerve for nearly a mile before he was safely stopped. Troopers say Hall had reportedly missed his usual side-street turn and simply continued onto the highway ramp instead of doubling back. He reportedly reached a top speed of 14 mph the entire time, oblivious to oncoming traffic Troopers say at least six vehicles were forced to swerve into the shoulder to avoid him He allegedly told officers, "I've taken that shortcut for thirty years, I just missed the turn" Dash cam footage from a passing truck captured the cart cruising calmly against traffic Troopers say his golf cart's turn signal was blinking the entire mile, unused correctly He reportedly had a bag of golf clubs still strapped in the passenger seat throughout He allegedly asked troopers if he could "at least finish the last two holes" before being cited A trooper on scene said watching a golf cart calmly navigate against four lanes of traffic was one of the stranger calls of his career, made odder by how unbothered Hall seemed throughout. Trooper Melvin Draco, State Patrol, 13 years on the force, said, "We've cleared plenty of highway obstructions. First time it was a golf cart going the wrong direction at a leisurely pace." The golf clubs, still strapped in, declined to comment. Some drivers miss an exit. Raymond missed an entire highway direction. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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