ON AIR
TRUMP DEMANDS SWISS CHEESE BE MADE WITHOUT HOLES: “AMERICANS DESERVE THE WHOLE SLICE”TRUMP RENAMES BRUSSELS SPROUTS “LITTLE AMERICAN CABBAGES”TWO RUSSIAN SISTERS MARRY A 60-YEAR-OLD FOR U.S. CITIZENSHIP—A WEEK LATER, THEY DISCOVER HE’S NOT…WOMAN CATCHES HUSBAND CHEATING, THEN GIVES HIM A LAXATIVE AND SUPERGLUES HIS BUTT SHUTTRUMP DEMANDS FAST-FOOD BURGERS LOOK LIKE THEIR PICTURES BEFORE THEY LEAVE THE KITCHENTRUMP DEMANDS SWISS CHEESE BE MADE WITHOUT HOLES: “AMERICANS DESERVE THE WHOLE SLICE”TRUMP RENAMES BRUSSELS SPROUTS “LITTLE AMERICAN CABBAGES”TWO RUSSIAN SISTERS MARRY A 60-YEAR-OLD FOR U.S. CITIZENSHIP—A WEEK LATER, THEY DISCOVER HE’S NOT…WOMAN CATCHES HUSBAND CHEATING, THEN GIVES HIM A LAXATIVE AND SUPERGLUES HIS BUTT SHUTTRUMP DEMANDS FAST-FOOD BURGERS LOOK LIKE THEIR PICTURES BEFORE THEY LEAVE THE KITCHEN
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Filed by The Dude on Thursday, September 17, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]

★ BREAKINGFILEDFILED 3H AGO

TRUMP DECLARES THE LAST ONION RING IN A BAG OF FRIES A “NATIONAL TREASURE”

TRUMP DECLARES THE LAST ONION RING IN A BAG OF FRIES A “NATIONAL TREASURE”

TRUMP DECLARES THE LAST ONION RING IN A BAG OF FRIES A “NATIONAL TREASURE” One onion ring emerged from a bag of fries and was immediately promoted beyond its original responsibilities. Trump held it up for inspection while an aide searched the bag for further discoveries. There were none. Its rarity was entered as a point in its favour. Someone suggested a display case. Someone else suggested eating it before it cooled. The second proposal caused considerable concern among those already considering a small plaque. For several minutes, the ring remained suspended between snack and exhibit. Trump finally placed it beside the burger. Staff watched carefully to see whether preservation or appetite would win. The historical record became noticeably less complete shortly after lunch resumed. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY

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THEDUDE
HUMOR REPORT

— THE DUDE ABIDES —

Back tomorrow with more reports, man.