Filed by The Dude on Saturday, September 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
TRUMP ORDERS OCEAN SPRAY TO PROVE ITS CRANBERRIES HAVE BEEN TO THE OCEAN
TRUMP ORDERS OCEAN SPRAY TO PROVE ITS CRANBERRIES HAVE BEEN TO THE OCEAN Ocean Spray was asked to account for the travel history of its cranberries after Trump took the brand name personally. He wanted proof that the fruit had visited the coast. Aides suggested maps, photographs, and a very small passport. Someone brought a bowl of cranberries into the meeting, but none was prepared to answer questions. A staff member proposed photographing the bowl beside a beach umbrella. That was dismissed as insufficiently thorough. Another suggested asking the juice itself, which at least had experience being liquid. The inspection ended when lunch arrived. The cranberries remained under observation beside the sandwiches, where they continued their long-standing policy of providing flavour rather than documentation. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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