Filed by The Dude on Saturday, September 19, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA WOMAN IN SQUIRREL COSTUME THROWS ACORNS AT POLICE AND DECLARES HERSELF SQUIRREL QUEEN
FLORIDA WOMAN IN SQUIRREL COSTUME THROWS ACORNS AT POLICE AND DECLARES HERSELF SQUIRREL QUEEN OCALA, FLORIDA — Avery Winslow, 26, climbed a tree in a squirrel costume, declared herself the “Squirrel Queen,” and began tossing acorns at officers below. The first request to come down was ignored. The second was answered with a speech about her kingdom and another handful of acorns. People gathered with their phones while officers tried to work out how to end the scene without turning a costume stunt into a rescue operation. Avery said the tree was her territory. A neighbor asked whether the territory included his yard, since that was where most of the acorns were landing. When she finally came down, the argument moved from the branches to the sidewalk. Avery maintained she had hurt nobody. Officers pointed out that refusing repeated instructions while throwing things at them was a poor way to prove the point. Her reign lasted less than an afternoon. The footage, according to everyone watching, would last much longer. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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