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FLORIDA MAN BANNED FROM ZOO AFTER 40TH ATTEMPT TO BUY A CAPYBARA IN CASHEX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER ORDERING 30 PIZZAS TO HER EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE EVERY FRIDAYWOMAN BUSTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY STUFFING 30 POUNDS OF BED SHEETS INTO A TRAVEL PILLOW TO DODGE BAG FEESMAN LOCKED INSIDE GOLDEN CORRAL OVERNIGHT ALLEGEDLY EATS $1,000 WORTH OF STEAK, ROLLS AND…WOMAN CHARGED AFTER MAILING EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND A 200-PAGE 'RELATIONSHIP AUDIT' COMPLETE WITH…FLORIDA MAN BANNED FROM ZOO AFTER 40TH ATTEMPT TO BUY A CAPYBARA IN CASHEX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER ORDERING 30 PIZZAS TO HER EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE EVERY FRIDAYWOMAN BUSTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY STUFFING 30 POUNDS OF BED SHEETS INTO A TRAVEL PILLOW TO DODGE BAG FEESMAN LOCKED INSIDE GOLDEN CORRAL OVERNIGHT ALLEGEDLY EATS $1,000 WORTH OF STEAK, ROLLS AND…WOMAN CHARGED AFTER MAILING EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND A 200-PAGE 'RELATIONSHIP AUDIT' COMPLETE WITH…
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Filed by The Dude on Sunday, July 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]

★ BREAKINGFILEDFILED 1H AGO

ONE PER DAY: WOMAN BUSTED AFTER MAILING HER EX ONE POTATO EVERY DAY FOR 11 MONTHS

ONE PER DAY: WOMAN BUSTED AFTER MAILING HER EX ONE POTATO EVERY DAY FOR 11 MONTHS

ONE PER DAY: WOMAN BUSTED AFTER MAILING HER EX ONE POTATO EVERY DAY FOR 11 MONTHS HARLAN WELLS, ME — Shauna Kilbride, 36, was arrested this week after postal investigators say she mailed her ex-boyfriend exactly one raw potato every single day for 11 consecutive months, totaling 334 potatoes. Officers say the victim initially assumed the deliveries were a mistake, then a prank, then eventually "just part of his life." Investigators say the routine never once broke: Each potato was mailed loose, unwrapped, with a printed address label affixed directly to it She never included a note, a name, or a return address on any of the 334 shipments The potatoes arrived seven days a week, including holidays and one blizzard Postal workers began referring to the route stop internally as "the produce house" She rotated between three post offices to avoid drawing attention at any one counter Receipts recovered from her home showed roughly $1,140 spent on postage alone A calendar in her kitchen had all 334 days crossed off in red marker Neighbors say the man eventually built a small wooden bin on his front porch specifically to hold the daily arrivals. "I have worked this route for 24 years. I have delivered a lot of strange things," said postal supervisor Doreen Halbrook, a 24-year veteran of the service. "Nobody has ever been this consistent about anything." The wooden porch bin, now empty, declined to comment. She never said a word. She said it 334 times. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY

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▍ THIS HAS BEEN ▍

THEDUDE
HUMOR REPORT

— THE DUDE ABIDES —

Back tomorrow with more reports, man.