Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, June 30, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
CROSSING GUARD SUSPENDED AFTER SHIELDING A CHILD FROM RAIN WITH HER OWN COAT FOR TWO BLOCKS
CROSSING GUARD SUSPENDED AFTER SHIELDING A CHILD FROM RAIN WITH HER OWN COAT FOR TWO BLOCKS The bus was late, the storm hit hard, and a soaked first-grader was shivering at the corner, so she draped her own jacket over him and walked him home. BALTIMORE, MD — Crossing guard Gloria Mathis, 61, has been suspended without pay after using her own coat to shield a 6-year-old from heavy rain and walking him two blocks to his front door. Mathis covered the boy with her reflective jacket and her own raincoat, leaving herself soaked the entire way The district flagged it because she "left her assigned post at the intersection without a relief guard" She was off her corner for roughly 9 minutes, which a supervisor called "abandonment of position" Her suspension notice cited "leaving the crosswalk unattended" and "transporting a student outside protocol" An administrator reportedly told her the act "created liability" and "is not part of a crossing guard's duties" Neighbors who saw it happen flooded the school with calls, and one mother said Mathis has walked her kids safely across that street for over a decade. "In 23 years I have never written up a guard for keeping a child dry and safe, and I think this whole thing is backwards," said safety coordinator Reggie Dunn, reading a statement he plainly resented. The boy got home warm and dry. Her suspension letter is pinned by her front door. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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