Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, June 30, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
CROSSING GUARD SUSPENDED AFTER STOPPING TRAFFIC TO HELP A DUCK AND HER DUCKLINGS CROSS SAFELY
CROSSING GUARD SUSPENDED AFTER STOPPING TRAFFIC TO HELP A DUCK AND HER DUCKLINGS CROSS SAFELY A line of tiny ducklings froze in the middle of a busy road during morning traffic, so he held up his sign and walked them to safety, and the city punished him. DES MOINES, IA — Crossing guard Walter Pruitt, 60, has been placed on unpaid suspension after stopping traffic for about five minutes to guide a mother duck and her seven ducklings across a four-lane intersection. Pruitt held up his STOP paddle and slowly walked behind the ducklings, blocking cars until the last one reached the curb The city flagged it because he "interrupted the flow of traffic for a reason outside his job description" He scooped up one duckling that had fallen behind and carried it to catch up with its mother His suspension paperwork cited "non-sanctioned road stoppage" and "performing duties beyond crossing-guard scope" An official reportedly told him the act "exposed the city to liability" and "is not something the department covers" The drivers who waited reportedly applauded out their windows, and a school bus full of kids cheered as the ducks reached the grass. "I have spent 26 years in this department and I will not pretend that keeping a family of ducks alive is a punishable act," said supervisor Renee Cobb, reading from a statement she clearly disagreed with. All seven ducklings crossed safely. His suspension notice is pinned to the garage wall. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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