Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, June 30, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER FILLING OLIVE GARDEN PARMESAN SHAKER INTO ZIPLOC BAGS
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER FILLING OLIVE GARDEN PARMESAN SHAKER INTO ZIPLOC BAGS The server offered fresh grated cheese, asked her to say when, and she never said when, because she had a gallon bag open under the table. SARASOTA, FL — Local resident Dana Whitlock, 42, was arrested Friday after staff at an Olive Garden caught her emptying the tableside parmesan shaker into a stack of Ziploc bags she had brought from home. Whitlock had filled three sandwich bags and was working on a quart-size one when a manager approached She told the server "just keep grating" eleven separate times during a single salad course Staff say she had a small funnel in her purse "to avoid spillage during transfer" She argued the unlimited cheese policy "did not specify the cheese had to stay on the premises" When confronted, she offered to "split the parmesan fifty-fifty" as a compromise A couple at the next table told reporters they have eaten there for years and never seen anyone treat the cheese shaker like a bulk supply run. "In 22 years I have handled a lot of strange calls, but never 'suspect bagging parmesan with a funnel,'" said Officer Marcus Bell, reading the report aloud. The Ziploc bags were confiscated. The funnel was logged into evidence. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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