Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, August 12, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN KICKED OFF A CRUISE AFTER CANNONBALLING INTO THE POOL 40 TIMES
MAN KICKED OFF A CRUISE AFTER CANNONBALLING INTO THE POOL 40 TIMES FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA — Greg Hutchins, 31, was removed from a cruise ship Tuesday after crew members clocked him cannonballing into the main pool 40 separate times over two days, each jump drawing bigger crowds and bigger splashes. Ship staff say the count started as a joke among nearby sunbathers before security realized guests were actually tracking it on a whiteboard by the towel station. He allegedly performed all 40 cannonballs within a 30-hour window Guests began keeping an official tally on a hand-drawn whiteboard near the pool bar Crew say he soaked the same elderly couple's reading chairs at least six times Security logged his jump height as "increasingly reckless" by jump 25 Witnesses say he took a bow after jump 40 before being escorted away Fellow passengers said Hutchins had become an unofficial mascot of the pool deck by day two. One sunbather said "we started rating them out of ten — jump 33 was easily a nine." "I've dealt with drunk overboard threats, fights at the buffet, even a wedding proposal gone wrong," said cruise security chief Dana Voss. "Never forty cannonballs logged on a whiteboard by our own guests." The whiteboard, tally marks still visible, reportedly declined to comment. He made a splash on every level — now he's making his exit at the next port. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
More From The Newsdesk
EYEWITNESSMAN ARRESTED AFTER BUILDING A DESK SETUP IN AN OFFICE SUPPLY STORE…
COLUMBUS, OHIO — Trevor Bianchi, 29, was arrested Monday after employees at a Staples location discovered he…
FLORIDAFLORIDA MAN CHARGED FOR OPERATING AN UNLICENSED VALET SERVICE OUTSIDE…
ORLANDO, FLORIDA — Tommy Vance, 39, was charged Sunday night after setting up a full valet stand outside a…
FILEDMAN, 83, ARRESTED AFTER DRIVING A MALL SUPPLY CART OUT OF THE…
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — Walter Grennan, 83, was arrested Thursday after commandeering a mall stockroom cart…
FILEDMAN, 91, CITED AFTER DRIVING HIS NEIGHBOR'S RIDING MOWER FOUR MILES…
MARION, OHIO — Elmer Rasch, 91, was cited Tuesday after deputies pulled him over on a busy stretch of…