Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, June 30, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN DETAINED AT SIX FLAGS AFTER CUTTING A ROLLER COASTER LINE YELLING "I'M WITH MAINTENANCE"
MAN DETAINED AT SIX FLAGS AFTER CUTTING A ROLLER COASTER LINE YELLING "I'M WITH MAINTENANCE" He had no badge, no tools, and no idea how the ride worked, but he walked past 200 people in the heat by shouting one magic phrase with total confidence. ARLINGTON, TX — Local resident Greg Tanner, 43, was detained at Six Flags on Saturday after skipping the entire 90-minute line for a roller coaster by repeatedly announcing he was "with maintenance." Tanner wore a plain gray polo and carried a clipboard he had taken from the parking booth to "look official" He told waiting families he needed to "inspect the front car for safety," then sat in it for the full ride He gave a thumbs-up to the operator and said "she's running clean" before riding it three more times Staff grew suspicious when he asked another rider to "hold his funnel cake during the inspection" He was caught when a real technician asked his employee ID number and he answered "all of them" A mother near the front of the line told reporters she has visited the park for years and assumed he was real because "nobody would fake being that bored." "In 21 years of park security I have removed a lot of line-cutters, but never one who clocked in to a job he did not have," said supervisor Marla Dent, reading the report. The clipboard was returned to the booth. The funnel cake did not make it. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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