Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, June 30, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER BRINGING HIS OWN SLOW COOKER INTO GOLDEN CORRAL
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER BRINGING HIS OWN SLOW COOKER INTO GOLDEN CORRAL He did not sneak it in, he did not apologize for it, he set a full-size Crock-Pot on the buffet table, plugged it into the wall, and started ladling. FORT PIERCE, FL — Local resident Randy Coddington, 45, was arrested Saturday after carrying a six-quart slow cooker into a Golden Corral and using it to "consolidate the buffet into one convenient location." Coddington filled the Crock-Pot with mac and cheese, pot roast, and a full ladle of the bourbon chicken He paid the $13.99 lunch price and argued that "portioning method is not specified anywhere on the sign" Staff say he had brought his own extension cord and a oven mitt embroidered with "CHEF" He set the cooker to "keep warm" and told a server he was "just meal-prepping in real time" When asked to unplug, he insisted the roast "still had twenty minutes" and refused to rush it A regular near the dessert bar told reporters he has eaten there for years and never watched a man treat the steam trays like ingredients for a bigger recipe. "In 23 years I have written up plenty of buffet disputes, but never 'suspect was actively slow-cooking on premises,'" said Officer Dana Welsh, reading the report. The Crock-Pot was unplugged and confiscated. The CHEF mitt was returned to him. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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