Filed by The Dude on Friday, August 7, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
LOCAL RESIDENT AVERY COLTON, 28, WAS ARRESTED AFTER REMOVING EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE FROM HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S APARTMENT ONE ITEM AT A TIME ACROSS SIX WEEKS
LOCAL RESIDENT AVERY COLTON, 28, WAS ARRESTED AFTER REMOVING EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE FROM HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S APARTMENT ONE ITEM AT A TIME ACROSS SIX WEEKS Boise, Idaho — Avery Colton, 28, was arrested and charged with burglary and criminal mischief after police say she used a key she never returned to enter her ex-boyfriend's apartment repeatedly over six weeks, removing his furniture piece by piece until the unit was left completely empty. Investigators say Colton kept a detailed handwritten "Delivery Log" tracking every visit, checking off each item as she removed it and logging times, dates, and short notes for 41 separate entries. Colton allegedly began with small items like lamps and end tables before escalating to full couches and a dining set Her log reportedly tracked "41 items removed" across exactly six weeks, tallied at the bottom in red ink Witnesses say the apartment was left with only carpet indentations marking where furniture once sat She reportedly timed most visits for early evening while he was still at work Police were called after he returned home to find the apartment completely bare Neighbors described the empty apartment as "genuinely eerie" once the full scope of the removals became clear. "In 13 years working burglary cases, I've never seen a suspect keep a checklist for stripping an apartment," said Boise PD Detective Renata Fell. The delivery log itself was reportedly unavailable for comment, currently logged into evidence. She checked each box and cleared the floor, now she's the one who's facing more. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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