Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, September 8, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER RIDING A MOTORIZED COOLER ON I-75 AND CLAIMING IT WAS A MOTORCYCLE
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER RIDING A MOTORIZED COOLER ON I-75 AND CLAIMING IT WAS A MOTORCYCLE GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA — Local resident Cody “Cooler Cruz” Bennett, 38, was arrested this week after Florida Highway Patrol determined he had been traveling southbound on I-75 aboard a battery-powered cooler and told the trooper it qualified as a motorcycle because it had “two cup holders and a throttle.” Cody was weaving between lanes at 28 mph with a fishing rod strapped to the lid. He produced a homemade registration sticker that read “Vessel – Ice Class.” A passing motorist recorded the cooler from the overpass, which is how troopers first learned the vehicle had entered the interstate. Officials concluded Cody had violated protocol by:Operating a cooler as a motor vehicle on a limited-access highway Failing to meet any motorcycle safety or registration standards Creating a liability by treating a picnic accessory like licensed transport Cody has been cited pending a full review by the highway patrol and DMV. He said it handled great in the fast lane. The trooper found a policy violation instead of a motorcycle. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026.
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